.........

I don't know. I'm so confused. I just want to write this. You know what? I just watched glee season 3, marathon. It's all about dream, graduation, college, everything that stuck on my head, lately. That's make me think, 'what should I do now?'. 

Well, yesterday, I stalked someone that worked in google. From my country. Yeah, this country. How cool is it? She's the first person from my country that working on there. Even thought there's google office in my country, but I didn't count it. Then, I stalk her experience, education, what things that she's been throught.... Then I got it that she got scholarship for college until she got Magister on Japan. She was from a great high school in Jakarta. Then there she go. The google thing.

Then I searched some of informations about scholarship. Well, those scholarship didn't put requirements that you must won some of competitions, BUT. Most of complainants posted that they were winning some kind of competitions. That's make me... a 'lil bit pessimist. Ya see, I don't have any of extraculicular on school. I haven't win any of competition. I feel like nothing. Yeah, at least I got grade on my report. I even got A Charter from it. Well, I should've got 2, but my old school just made 1, for the last semester of the year. So, uhm...

Don't ya think I think about this all just because my 'stalk-result-from-the-internet'. My cousin told me that her friend got scholarship for 4 years in a college. She told me, because her friend's going to a college with an IT subject that I want. And guess what? He, that is my cousin's friend, was a head of OSIS. So that might be true that those scholarship see how active you are on school.

Let's face it, in this country, there just 1 college as far as I know, that had an International Standard. Which I want to go there. And the college is still on my town. But, ya know what? It wasn't cheap. Well, even though the college said that they were never pull out the colleger just because financial issue. But still, that's all mean, I need scholarship.

So, here's the deal. You want to go to a great great workplace,  that's mean, you must go to a great college. And to go to a great college, you could go there with money if you're rich enough. Or, you must find a scholarship. And most of scholarship need that active on high school thing. So, maybe this is the time I must start. Even though I still don't know what kind of extra that I'll take....

My Future? :/

Hi bloggers, udah berapa minggu ya gue gak post ( '-') ('-' ) *bersihin debu*. Maapin deh ya, alesan gak nge post itu karena, modemnya abis. Padahal sih ya, ada hp yang bisa dijadiin modem, tapi, yaudah. Selain itu, (agak) sibuk sekolah :D Alesan utamanya sih sebenernya... males. hihihi :">
Jadi ceritanya kan sekarang udah kelas 2 SMA. Udah masuk jurusan IPA. Udah mikirin kedepannya ingin masuk ITB. Tapi, entah lah. Namanya juga rencana. Who knews? :-j
Tapi yang jadi pikiran gue sekarang, gue mau jadi apa?
Gini deh ya, kita pikir yang gila sekarang.
Awalnya, inginnya masuk ITB, jurusan STEI, alias teknologi. Oke, gue suka teknologi. Teknologi yang gue suka tapi.... android. Jujur, ilmu android juga belum luas. Gue cuma tau teori. Praktek sih baru nyampe flashing, rooting, sama mod ( ._.) Walaupun emang bisa belajar lebih. Tapi apa perlu? Maksudnya, nanti kuliah berarti cari gelar doang gitu? Karena yang gue tau, dunia komputer itu, semuanya tentang 'keahlian'. Walaupun lo udah dapet gelar, tapi lo gak ahli dalam bidangnya, it wasting, bro... Hmmm... Selain itu, STEI itu ada informatika. Informasi dan matematika. Dari kecil emang suka matematika, dan kemarin pas kelas X, gue ikut OSN TIKnya. Tapi gagal. Sebagian besar yang gue isi cuman matematikanya, karena belum di ajarin pascal, ataupun bahasa pemogramannya. Dan dikelas 2 ini, baru di ajarin dasar-dasarnya. Tapi mau jadi apa nanti? Dunia programming? Isn't it awkward for a woman? ._. But hey, I'll count it... Dan sebenernya yang bikin gue agak gak tertarik disini tuh karena ITB... susah masuk sana tuh, tapi untuk teknologi, gue cuma ingin di ITB, dan sekarang tuh gue agak pesimis untuk masuk sana.... ._.
Beralih ke seni. Dunia yang katanya luas. Mulai dari seni musik. Apaan? Nyanyi? No. Baru aja kemarin didepan kelas gue ngebuktiin gue gak bisa nyanyi. Malu setengah mampus. Seni rupa? gue gak bisa gambar. Seni tari? dulu sih pas SD suka nari, da ada pelajarannya. Lancar loh cyin, nari jaipong =)) dan jari gue (kata mamah) lentik, jadi cuco gimana gitu :"> dan pas di SMP ikutan ekskul tari, tapi gak pernah masuk, karena kan ekskulnya hari Sabtu tuh pas sekolah libur jadi kan males ( ._.) Seni drama? gak pernah acting-actingan. Intinya mah gak mau. =)) Seniiiii tulis? Semacam jadi writer? Well, I love blogging. Dan kadang juga bisa bikin kalimat yang, yaaa~ begitulah, semacam baku, dan kemudian gue sendiri ngerasa kalimatnya canggung, jadi gue ganti jadi kalimat yang biasa aja. Dan itu tuh sering. Tapi, apapun itu, ketika ada tugas Bahasa Indonesia ngebuat karangan, gue males. Selalu males. Kadang mentok gak bisa ngarang. Paling sebel kalau disuruh ngebuat tentang pengalaman. Pelizzzz ._.v
Sekarang dokter. Dari awal sih gak minat ya, tapi karena ini di blog dan moga aja setelah nulis gue dapet pencerahan gue mau jadi apa gitu loh, ngahaha. Dokter itu biaya kuliahnya mahal bos. Untuk ukuran keluarga gue, gak akan sanggup. Kecuali gue kerja sendiri dan ada kerjaan sampingan yang mencukupi buat kuliah di kedokteran, tapi gak mungkin ada. Atau, gue lucky dapet beasiswa, aamiin. Okay, dokter bedah? Big no. Demi apapun, gue gak suka darah. Dokter anak? Well, I love kids, but I hate it when they cry. Dokter gigi? Ya mungkin kali ya, secara gue sendiri sering sakit gigi dan mungkin aja kalau jadi dokter gigi mah buat gigi sendiri teh gampang gak perlu bulak-balik dokter gigi lain :)) Dokter psikologis (psikiater)? Yes, I've once think about it, and it was capture my attention, since my sister...... but I don't want to face some crazy people. I just want to be that person whom people told what's their problem, and told 'em how to face it.
Dunia hukum. Errrr... gue dari kelas IPA. Gue gak suka pemerintahan disini. Gue gak mau dibenci rakyat. Jadi semacam pengacara? yaaaa, gue suka debat. Sering banget debat sama kakak, yang gak mau kalah, yang selalu ngerasa dia bener. Eh kok jadi curhat. Dan suka menang sih akhirnya, and then I feel like a boss. >:)
Dunia pendidikan. Masuk kuliah semacam FMIPA gitu? terus jadi guru? No. I'm tired of school. Walaupun kalau jadi guru semacam jadi guru dalam bidangnya, tapi tetep aja. Sekolah. Bosen meureun 12 tahun teh ._.
Dunia perkantoran. Apaan cik, da gak tau apa-apa aku mah ._. Management? sepupu sama kakak gue nih udah ngambil alih jurusan ini. Walaupun gak apa-apa sih kalau gue ngambil juga, tapi da gak mau. We need some kind of variation :D Accounting? Well, I love math, but..... ya know... ._.
Dunia lain. Eh. Bukan acara trans 7 kok, bukan. Masak? Mamah gue suka masak. Mamah gue ya, bukan gue. I love baking with my cousin, and she want to be a chef, but me? I just love baking. Gak berarti gue ingin di dunia masak. Dan gue kan cewek, mau gak mau harus bisa masak dong ya :p My ability on english .... Jadi penerjemah? Semacam penerjemah film gitu? Well, maybe....

Finally. See, after write this post, I finally picked some of things. Even does it still half hearted. Here's my plan....

Before I die, I want something like married, having child, happilly ever after. Before married, I want to be a success person. And before I become success, I must know how to be success, based from now. What I want, what I want to be. Dan pastinya, semuanya berdasarkan takdir. Kalau gue mau A, dan takdir bilang B, ya mau gimana lagi, kan? :D

Oh June

Juniiiii, di 2012 ini gue nungguin banget nih ni bulan. Kenapa? Karena:

Di bulan Juni ini ada upgrade ICS buat android gue, dan yaaa, siapa sih android user yang gak nunggu ICS, ya gak? :-> Tapi sebenernya, selain ICS, ada yang lebih gue tunggu-tunggu lagi nih di bulan juni ini. Kalau masalah ICS sih paling yang gue suka fitur FaceLock nya, dan fitur itu bisa di download dan dipasang buat GingerBread sebenernya, so, gue juga mikir-mikir lagi buat upgrade apa enggak, karena udah ada peringatan dari Sonynya juga, katanya ICS ini memakan lebih banyak RAM daripada GB. Disamping itu, di HH gue, ada sekitar 113 aplikasi download + bawaan (baru diitung, hihihi). Banyak ya? Banget! iya emang. Gue ngaku, gue seorang user yang tak lazim memperlakukan HH dengan aplikasi yang bejibun, muahahaha >:) Nah, berhubung aplikasinya banyak, RAM kosong di HH gue jadinya cuman sekitar 30-50MB, ambil rata-rata aja deh ya, jadi RAM sisanya sekitar 40 MB. Pffftt, lo bayangin aja kalau gue pasang ICS, HH gue bisa kayak siput. Sekarang aja suka nge lag *nepok jidat*.

Balik lagi ke yang gue tunggu-tunggu. Yang PALING gue tunggu-tunggu di bulan Juni adalah......... *bunyi drum*

Gue mau pindah sekolah. HAHA, akhirnyaaaa, gue udh gak betah disini, gak betah sama sekolahnya, guru-gurunya, semuanya deh pokoknya. Otak gue udah gak bener. Seriusan deh. Enggak kok, enggak! gue gak gila. Maksudnya gak bener disini, banyak pelajaran yang gue berasa belajar sendirian disini. Gurunya kurang baik. Dan yaaaaaa, begitulah, gue gak akan begitu terang-terangan disini, tapi sebenernya ingin banget. Siapa tau aja kan, ada yang baca terus memperbaiki sistem persekolahannya jadi lebih baik. Amiiiiin. Sedih juga sih ya buat mikirin pindah. Gue udah punya temen deket juga disini. Hhhhh, tapi kan kita mau kelas 2. Gak yakin juga bakal sekelas kan? Jadi yaaa, asalkan tetep komunikasi aja ya, guys! ;-) *ngomong sama au, upil, ipeh, linda ceritanya mah* 

Tujuan sekolah yang baru nanti.... gue juga gak yakin apa gue bakal betah disana atau enggak. Gue gak tau gue bisa adaptasi disana apa enggak. Gue gak tau apa gue bakal ngerasa sama kayak disini apa enggak. Tapi yang gue tau, kualitas pendidikannya lebih baik daripada disini. Buat yang tau impian gue 1 tahun yang lalu, pasti pada ngira gue bakal ke sekolah itu kan? Haha, enggak kok. Sekolahnya ke-bagus-jelekan buat gue. *uhuk* Gue juga sadar posisi. Emang kayaknya gue gak pantes ada disitu. Terlalu bagus buat jadi seekor seorang sebangunan sekolah. *tarik napas dalem-dalem* Tapi sebenernya mah ingin kesitu. Ingiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiin bangetbangetbanget.

Nah, jadi tujuan sekolah gue itu. Sekolahnya pilihan mamah gue. Mamah gue alumni situ. Dan deket banget dari rumah. Gak usah di mention namanya juga kalau lo tau rumah gue dimana, pasti bakal tau kok, gue bakal kemana ;)) Disana ada banyak temen-temen SMP gue. Temen SD juga. Banyak, serasa reunian gitu deeeh~ *diperlebay* 

Balik lagi ke Juni, Juni itu deket sama Juli. Tetanggaan. Di bulan Juli ituuuu, dimana bulan puasa dimulai. Abis bulan puasa kan lebaraaaan, nah ini dia yang gue tunggu-tunggu. Nunggu THRan. Nah udah itu, gue mau beli sesuatu yang di rencanain sama sepupu gue, buat ngejalanin suatu program tertentu. *ceileh bahasanya bertele-tele* Rencana ini sebenernya mestinya bulan Juni udah selesai, udah direncanain dari bulan Januari. Ceritanya mau nabung gitu, tapi karena banyak setan yang menggoda nyolek-nyolek tabungan gitu, jadi ya apa boleh buat, nabungnya gagal di bulan Maret. Ludes semua, haha dasar cewek. Yaudah sih ini mah paragraf tambahan doang, gak usah di protes juga da emang gak penting >:)

Jadi kesimpulannyaaaaa, pokoknya ingin buru-buru Juniiiii!!!!!

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Edit:
Ternyata aplikasi FaceLock di market cuma bisa nge lock aplikasi doang, gak bisa buat screen lock. Makin nunggu Juni aja nih -,,-

a dream has turn into dust

Has you ever heard a song from Regina Spektor - The Call?

I think it's about a place. (specific: my dream school)

Yeah, it started out as a feeling. I feel like, that place is great. Then it grew into a hope. I hopefully that I could go there. And the the battle just started, wich turned it into a quite though. And the day of 'do I could go there, or not' is come, then turned it into a quite word. All. Long. Day. And then that word grew louder and louder until I cried.

I have a bestfriend -wich has a same dream school- that still have a chance to get that place. And it was the very first day of us to saw into that place. And when we got to go back to home, I said, "hhh, I should say goodbye now." and we were quite for a seconds, then I said, "But you don't need to say goodbye, you should say see ya!" then she said, "don't you say that"

That's really funny to think how I still has a bunch of hope, even does I knew that it's really impossible for me to school in there. Everyone arround me said, "let it go". And so she was. She has choice another school. And I'm just. Still. Hope. For. It. Because I know I still had a chance. I mean, a little chance. A really little chance. An absolutely little chance.

And then that thursday morning. A day that Proof me, that I haven't chance anymore. Then I don't give a crap wich school that my parents choice. I just cried.

And then the day is come. A day that the very first day of school. It's a new begining. It's just a feeling that made me feel like a shit, and no one knows yet, and I still can't forget how it feels like.

PS: Secretely sometimes (with 's' at the end of the word!) the feelings or imagination or hope of me for that place is come. I don't know why. Is it because I still can't let it go? ofcourse not, I've let it go. I've already has a new dream right now. And I'd fight to get that! \m/

________________________________________________________

This post. It's been a year too *sight*

Do you know what we got? we got nothing. Nothing of us got that place. Just. Nevermind. :'|